I'm sorting through some old paper work.  (I can't figure out what else to do with myself while on sick-leave.  I've already napped, like A LOT.)  But I came across some old articles I wrote...well, it was for my own publication.  I used to write a sort-of newsletter for the mentors of the youth ministry I used to lead in the PCWC days.  It served to keep them up-to-date with what was happening with the kids and to do some vision-casting as well.  I came upon some old issues (there were only a handful) and re-read some of the articles and, before I chucked the copies, thought I'd share some of the stuff I wrote.  You'll have to pardon the way it's written.  It was intended for a very specific audience. 
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turn up the volume.

When I was a young teenager, maybe about 13 years old, my obsession with music (Christian music, to be specific) became intense.  I would listen to the new Christian radio station in South Florida - WAYFM - incessantly.  As I learned artists and songs, trips to the Christian bookstore at my church became something to look forward to.  I would spend as much time as possible going through the CD collection, trying to sort out which album would be my next purchase.  When I actually had money to get a new CD, oh, that was a big day!  I would remove the packaging in the car on the way home and examine its contents for the entire trip.  My parents knew what to expect next.  I'd go into my bedroom and lock the door behind me.  I'd set up a chair in front of my stereo, insert the disc and listen for hours.

It's amazing, the power of music.  One twist of that volume knob and the rest of the world just faded away.  My annoying little brother could no longer be heard.  Problems at school were miles away.  And the music, it moved my soul.  As I sat in front of that stereo, the world was right again.

I thought about that one day while I was reading Deuteronomy 4:29.  "But if you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul."  I was trying to think of ways to challenge our young people.  The question:  How do you connect with God?  Too many times, we try to answer this question with our methodology.  However, the answer is NOT in going to church, listening to Christian music, making Christian friends, connecting with our mentors, sitting meditatively in the closet while listening to worship music...not even reading your Bible or praying every day.  (GASP!)

These are all great tools for helping you get there, but in and of themselves, are not the key.  What is it, then, that going to connect us with God?  Our desire.  We have to be hungry!  We have to need Him and want Him in our lives!  All of those other things, done without desire, are limited in accomplishing what we really need.  He says He will be found when He's sought.

So what does that have to do with my teenage music obsession?  Well, it occurred to me that connecting with God is all about turning up the volume on our desire for Him.  The cry, the scream from deep within our souls for Him, is already there.  We were created to know and love and desire Him.

My friend recently wrote a novel and the prologue is fantastic.  It speaks of this cry that comes from deep within.  The story, which takes place in "Quest City" (how fitting) begins this way: 

This is what it's like to live in Quest City.  You live in pieces.  This is your truth, and your complex secret:  Your soul is a gem, fractured by life.  For the sake of survival, part of that gem manages your day-to-day responsibilities via auto-pilot.  For the sake of sanity, anotehr part still dares to dream.  For the sake of reality, part of the gem just screams endlessly.  Yet nobody knows about the screams of your soul, and there lies the complexity of your secret: just as the screams of your soul are very real, most of the time they're also unheard, even by you.  And there's nobody who doesn't scream anymore...we all scream.  And we've all seen the flashes of pain in each other's eyes when our masks of contentment weigh too heavily and we momentarily slip into our true expressions of longing.  There's something we want, but we're not sure what it is.

Do you ever wonder why our lives get so hectic and we work so hard and our souls are never satisfied?  There's a cry of desire screaming from deep within our souls.  Even as Christians, sometimes we just let the cries go unanswered, too busy or maybe too afraid to deal with it.  But what we really need is to turn up the volume on that desire.  Let the screams be heard and motivate us to seek God with all our hearts and all our souls. 

Once we begin to let the desire be heard, all the other stuff of life - the stress, the worries, the struggles, the moments when we feel unable to cope - those sounds are drowned out.  No, they don't go away all together.  But in the light of our desire for God, they are no longer able to take over our lives.

And this is where the methods come in.  As you turn up the volum on your desire for God, you can seek Him through His Word, through prayer, as you talk to your friends who know God, as you worship and as you engage in church life.  This is how we connect with God.  So, you amazing people, turn up the volume on your desire for God!

The excerpt comes from The Family by Isaac Waters, Lulu Publishing. 
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connect.
At Revolution Youth, two of the things we value (like...big time) are authenticity and relatability.  Why?  Well, it's characteristic of a post-modern generation to be repulsed by facades and irrelevance.  It makes sense if you think about it.  Why would a young person want to be a part of something where he or she had to pretend to be perfect all the time?  Why would a younger person want to be a part of something that did not connect with the reality of his or her life at all?  What's the point?

I can remember, quite a few years ago, being witness to a conversation that turned into a train wreck.  There were five of us sitting together in a room.  I can recall it almost like being a line judge at a tennis match.  Two people sat to my left, we'll call them Team A, and two people sat to my right, Team B.  Now, Team A were a pair of people I knew from a church I used to attend.  They were the types who'd been in the church for a really long time, used a lot of the typical church lingo, or "Christianese" as I like to call it, and filtered everything they said and did through a traditional understanding of a Christian lifestyle.  They were certainly well-meaning people, kind and helpful.  But something was missing.  Team B, on the other hand, were also the kind and helpful type, but didn't want to claim to be at all associated with Christianity.

As both parties came together and searched for some form of common ground for discussion (since they didn't really know each other), Team B decided to begin by mentioning a mutual friend.  "You guys know So and So, huh?  She's a lovely girl, isn't she?"  That was the serve.  Team A returns, "Oh yes.  Great girl, indeed."  Team B is up again, "She's an intelligent person and very worldly."  GASP!  That last word set Team A spinning!  "Worldly?  What?  Worldly?!  Never!  She's not a worldly girl!  She's a Christian!"  A swing and a miss (apologies for the mixed metaphor - I don't know that many tennis terms) for Team A.

Most folks realize that the term "worldly" can mean something along the lines of being cultured and experienced in life.  The couple from Team B were offering a compliment.  But instead of getting the expected nods of agreement, they got a flurry of nonsensical words that left them confused and possibly offended.  I just sat there and shook my head as I watched the volley continue.

Team B tried to reframe their words to help the other side understand what was intended, in effort to salvage the conversation.  "Well, 'worldly' is a nice word, isn't it?  I always thought so.  She's experienced life.  She can appreciate culture and has sophisticated taste.  She's a worldly girl."  Unfortunately, Team A still didn't get it.  "No," they said, "she's not worldly!  Worldliness is bad."  There was no convincing them otherwise.  I think by that point, I just got up and left the room, dumbfounded by what had just taken place.

Yes, it was simply an argument over semantics.  But it represented something so much bigger in my mind.  For so many of us who've been in the church for a long time, it's easy to develop this exclusivist mentality.  We speak in code.  We cling tightly to methods that make us feel like we're much closer to God.  We have this picture of what a "good Christian" looks like and if someone doesn't fit within that image, we suspect that their spirituality isn't authentic.  This kind of behavior can leave many outsiders feeling like they'll never be able to come in, or even want to come in.

We cannot afford to be disconnected from the reality of this world.  I'm sure you've heard that phrase about being "in and not of the world".  You have to look at the way Jesus connected with His contemporaries.  The Pharisees constantly had problems with Him because they would always find Him hanging out with the notorious sinners.  People were constantly drawn to Him because He connected with them.  He met people where they were and loved them.  No, He didn't dismiss their sin by saying things like, "It's okay.  We'll work on it next time."  He definitely dealt with their sin problems.  But if you take a close look, you'll notice that He would point out how their sin was the reason why they were hurting and unfulfilled.  His intention was ultimately for them to experience the love of God.

It's so important for us to be aware that the goal is not a lifestyle per se.  Our goal is connection - with God and with each other (Lk10.27).  As we lead our young people and challenge them to live a better life, let's always keep in mind that this is our true focus.  It's okay to struggle with certain issues and not have answers for everything.  This all fits into the way in which a relationship works - both in the mentoring relationship and the relationship with God.  Let's be real.  Let's be true.  Let's connect. 
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I'm never gonna have a normal life.  Don't say, "Aww...Rach, it's okay.  You will one day!  Don't lose hope."  I don't want you to say that because my statement isn't a complaint.  It's what I want...or don't want.  I don't want a "normal life".  I could care less about the American Dream.  I have no desire to settle into the 9 to 5.  I don't want the white picket fence and the two-car garage.  No offense to those who do, but all of that just screams mediocrity to me.  It's the worst thing I could ever imagine...being just another drone.  Yeah, that's pretty much my nightmare.

"So what is it?" you ask.  You want to know what I could possibly want for my life that is better than the supposed American Dream.  This is the moment where I start laughing.  Why?  Because I don't know.  I don't have it completely defined in my mind.  [fortunately, i don't have to]  I'll tell you what I can tell you.  I want a family, definitely.  And if I have my way, my family will include kids from other races and backgrounds because my generosity will extend beyond my own flesh and blood.  I love the state of New Jersey [altho i don't know why] and I want to do something to impact the spiritual atmosphere of this place.  I love young people and will always be playing some role in the lives of young people in this place.  Nothing does it for me like watching a kid cross over into that space where they really get it, where the reality of God clicks and their lives are forever changed. 

But not just here.  See, the family of God doesn't simply reside in the United States of America.  I've got brothers and sisters all over the globe.  I don't say that in the Christianese sense.  Seriously, that kid drinking parasite-ridden water somewhere in Ethiopia...he's my little brother.  There are some kids in Rio de Janeiro getting caught up in drug wars while they try to survive life in the favelas...they're my siblings too.  The woman on the street somewhere in the Czech Republic, selling herself just to get by...I love her.  She's my sister.  But I don't know her.  I don't know them.  And I need to. 

Sometimes I feel so disconnected, plugging away at my weekly 40.  I'm so busy that when I get home, all I want to do is not think.  So much of my life right now is about working enough to save enough to move on to the next thing that I can buy to establish my independence.  At the end of the day it all just seems so stupid.  What does this really count for?  Yeah, my job is great.  I'm able to have at least some level of impact (even if not overtly spiritual) on young people who need a bit of guidance.  But I'll tell you what...I yearn for more.  And just when I start to feel like much of my efforts are futile, I [gratefully] remember those words that Brian Houston preached back in, what was it, 2005?  That message on being faithful with the things in your hand because God will, through that, lead your life in the direction of what's in your heart.  Luke 16:10: "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much."

Faithful.  I must remember to be faithful, just as my Father is faithful.  I'm trying to be just like Him.  And as I learn to follow Him daily, I don't worry so much about having a normal life.  It will be extraordinary.  Chris Durso (whose wife I happened to randomly sit next to at a Brooke Fraser show last year) tweeted this earlier today: "'Daddy look aqua'-No Dylan, that's the sky-'the sky? I want to go in the sky!!!'-OK Dylan - He's already dreaming big!"  I saw that and smiled.  It's that whole deal about child-like faith.  That's the kind of faith I'm trying to have. 

If you need some reading material, hit up Matthew 6 and 7.

[cue Miriam Webster singing You Are Faithful here =)]

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.  Above him were seraphs, each with six wings:  With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.  and they were calling to one another:  'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.'  At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.  'Woe to me!' I cried.  'I am ruined!  For I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.  Then one of the serpahs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs fromt he altar.  With it he touched my mouth and said, 'See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.'"  Is 6.1-7

What a dramatic scene, eh.  Sometimes I get scared to read things like this from the Bible.  I'm afraid I'll take it for granted and that's such a horrible thought to me.  But that bit about the coal on his lips...that gets me every time. 

When I was younger, one of my favourite stories ever was one called A Girl Named Dirty.  It was a part of this allegorical series called Tales of the Kingdom.  I loved those stories so much and Dirty was definitely one of the best ones.  It was about a little girl who hated people because, really, she felt she was unlovable.  So she dwelled with the pigs.  It wasn't until the King, disguised as a beggar, had a conversation with her, that she realized how dirty she really was and how much she wanted to be clean (and therefore, lovable).  After days of wrestling with this fact, she is finally convinced by Caretaker that she should go to the Great Celebration where the King could meet with her again and make her clean.  Here's the thing about the Great Celebration though...it takes place in the midst of a sacred circle of flames.  She passes through the flames and it says, "She felt as though everything inside of her was burning," and she screams.  The story goes on to say that she meets with the King and he makes her clean and they tell it way better than I do in this one-paragraph summation.  But that bit about the burning...that always stands out to me.  Kinda scares the crap outta me.

I just can't seem to escape this theme of purifying fire that comes with the territory of getting close to God.  My God is holy.  He is righteous.  He is awesome.  Yowzerz.  I mean...who am I?  My heart is inclined toward the most wicked things.  I don't blame Isaiah for crying out for fear of impending doom.  Woe to me too.  But God, in His mercy, for some reason, wants me to be with Him.  ::Time out.  That's just crazy.  I mean, really!  It's plain crazy. I tell Him that all the time.  Anyway..::  So He's putting me through this process of transformation.  He's changing my heart so I can be more like Him and more like the person He made me to be.  Each new lesson learned (or each old lesson revisited - oy vey) is like that fire.  And it f*cking burns! 

This Kingdom is so ridiculously upside down.  Being burned with fire is a good thing.  Go figure.  But you know what?  I want to be worth my weight in gold.  So I pray insane prayers like, "Purify me with your fire."  And then it sucks.  It sucks really bad.  All the garbage comes out and I'm like, "Is this really me?  This is horrifying!"  (It really is quite awful.)  So I run, screaming, to God.  Well...sometimes I do.  I hope more often than not.  Two things result from this: 1) He changes me; 2) He holds me close and I get to know Him just a little bit better.  At the end of the day, there is no other place I want to be.  So I face the fire.